To dream or not to dream

The first time I left my baby at home was when she's two weeks young and I had to stay at the hospital from dengue fever. I missed her terribly at that time, having not seeing her for one week.

This second time, I'm not around coz I'm finally in Dubai.

Yup, this posting is done from Grand Hyatt Hotel in Dubai, at 12:48 am in Surabaya, or 21:54 local time.

But there's more to this journey than meets the eye...it's a bittersweet experience that I determined to write down while I still remember the sentiment and the emotion, though in the past 36 hours I just got 2.5 hours of sleep.

Where to begin...

Once upon a time, there's a younger me whose dreams were simple: to go to far away, exotic places that often no one in their right mind wants to go. At that time, the possibility of travelling to the hidden corner of Sumatra was more appealing that a trip to local Malls. and suddenly, out of no where, what I wanted is clear: I want to go to Dubai.

Why Dubai you asked? Well, I have no idea. Probably because it sounds foreign; more foreign than New York or LA or, at that time, Europe. Probably because I thought, hey, perhaps it's going to be the only arabic country I can go to easily. Or maybe because there's an article in the newspaper about Burj Al Arab, the fanciest hotel in the whole wide world.

I can't remember really. Except that I know, I'm going to Dubai. Just as I know one day I will again visit San Fransisco, I know, I will be in Dubai.

Sadly, it was for this only reason that I applied my next job. When I heard that the company I'm applying in has export business with Dubai, I immediately got excited. I told them that I want to work as marketer export because I love to travel and meet new people. ( So lame huh? )

More wondrous still, I got accepted!!

I took the lower salary offered because I thought, I'd just do this for a year, got the chance to visit Dubai, and probably I resigned.

Simple huh?

Well, not quite. Coz on that fateful day when I had the interview, I met my husband.

But let's not rush on that now. Anyway, after three months training, I finally handle the export division. The previous lady who handled it was about to resign, so she planned to take me to Dubai and introduce me to my customers.

I was estatic.

For about a week. because afterwards, my visa to Dubai got rejected. I was not 25 years old yet. I was not married. I'm a woman. So Dubai said no to me. He thinks, what would a 24 year old single woman wants to do here other than being an illegal domestic worker?

I was disappointed, needless to say.

But not for long. Soon, events in my personal life were getting much more interesting.

I broke up with my boyfriend of 2.5 years. I was out with my boss' son. I went to Singapore for business trip, I went to Hong Kong afterwards, my job suddenly is not as pleasant. I got engaged with my boyfriend of 5 months. I got married six months after. I went to LA and Vegas for honeymoon. I got a miscarriage. I got pregnant again. I gave birth.

The dream of going to Dubai is always there of course, though I have to admit, it starts to fade with time. If before the dream is alive and well, now I start to file it under the "dreamy dream", right next to my dream of being 45 KG. just beside "going to Europe" dream. It's the it's-possible-but-doesn't-seem-to-be-happening-anytime-soon-folder.

but out of the blue, at the beginning of this year, I casually mentioned the idea to my boss, and he agreed!!!

Suddenly, everything's in motion. My customers confirm they'd be in the office. I applied for visa and this time it got accepted. I prepare the samples, the price list, review the orders and other info again.

Then, we couldn't get the ticket. It was fully booked from Hong Kong to Dubai. So it was postponed. Then some of my customers said that they won't be in the office. So it was postponed. Then just three days prior to departure and after issuing the ticket, a wedding invitation from a high rank government official came for my hubby. So it was postponed.

For three times.

Honestly, I personally thought the whole things had lost their momentum. Even my other customers joke about it since I keep changing the appointment.

I was not too happy myself on the prospect of leaving Felicia alone again for one week as well. Though my mum would be more happy to stay at my house. But Felicia is at this stage now when she's growing from a helpless baby who sleeps all the time, to this three-months-young whose growth you can evidently see from day to day. in another words, she's getting unbelievably cuter day by day and you just don't want to miss anything!!

I honestly feeling guilty about the whole trip. I felt selfish of even thinking of pursuing this dream.

But I know that I have to go because that's my job.

And suddenly, something you want to do, becomes something you have to do.

And that alone, takes half the fun away.

...

One day before departure, I was browsing through the samples for the last time when my boss suddenly demands the whole things be changed. I was swamped with the task of preparing for samples, cross checking them, preparing for the invoice, and coordinate with other divisions on the paperwork of it all. Including with the customers for both Singapore customs and Dubai customs.

Not to mention making sure the shipments I have to other countries on the day of my departure. It was beyond stressful. It was chaotic. It was frustrating. especially only me and one of my colleague who really knows what to do and the rest is just counting on us to get it right and making a worse mess.

But by the end of the day it came out okay.

Actually, looking back, probably it was a sign for what was about to come. Since everything that can go wrong, went wrong the following day.

A ). For a start, when I said goodbye to Felicia, I can't help but crying. She looks so cute, so small, so innocent...

B ). I forgot to bring the coat that i bought for the trip

C ). One of the document was suspected missing, so we had to make a little detour to the office, though it turned out that the document was there all along and the detour just means we're gonna be a lil bit late.

B ). The fund that has been prepared for our Airport Tax apparently was taken accidently by another courier. So Ming had to go out again and withdraw money.

C ). I had a ten hours transit in Singapore, during which I had to go out of the airport, meet my customer, had dinner, and going along with the rest, took and my shoes, my very-business-like shoes which I bought for +/- 300rb just weeks before for this occasion, and which felt great and fit nicely at the store, turned out to be this killer shoes, that caused my toes to go numb. So I just had to buy another pair of shoes from Charles & Keith at Singapore Airport for approximately the same cost.

d ). Just as we're about to enter the airplane in Singapore, the official stopped us and said that our cabin bag is too heavy and threaten to charge us with extra seat unless we checked them in as luggage. I told them it's impossible to do that, since it's jewelry sample. gold jewelry sample. I have to tell them that it was my first time and I really am sorry about that and I promise it wont happen again before they let me in.

e ). Someone farted twice on board flights. And I got window seat. No Escape.

f ). I remember Felicia again and cried several time during the 6.5 hours flight from Singapore to Dubai that I only got 30 minutes of sleep.

g ). Somehow, there's no trunk left in the terminal and we have to carry our stuffs down the stairs of the plane, onto a buss and wait till it's rather full and finally leaving for the arrival terminal. All the while I really need to pee.

h ). Upon arriving in Dubai 18 hours after leaving Surabaya at 1 AM local time (4 am in Indonesia), I went to pick up my visa but was told that there's something that was supposed to be done but not done and so I cannot pick up my visa. I asked another immigration official and he said it's supposed to be okay and that I could still get my visa and go through passport control and told me to get in the very long queue. But then the official in the passport control told me to go to another office, which told me that there's nothing wrong and I should get my visa and told me to get signature from another office who told me that it really wasn't necessary and I should just go to passport control again. At this time, i had a bit of luck in that one of the official finally took me to passport control and had the officer there to process my passport without having to queue.

i ). My colleague's visa had wrong information on her birthday. So while I'm nearing getting pass with my passport, I found out that I have to wait for her while she fix the matter and get to queue. again. from the very last line.

j ). We're out from the airport by 3 am. and arrived in the hotel 15 minutes later. Only to find out that somehow the booking was done for 1 room only while we requested for two. So they have to start the whole reservation process again and finish at 3:30 am local time, or 6:30 am in Indonesia. around 24 hours after departure.

Had my dream become a nightmare? Is it really an evident of, "be careful with what you wish for, it may come true?"

I can't answer that yet, though I refuse to lose all hope. After all, the meal from Singapore to Dubai was the BEST ever (will blog on that later on). After all, on every unfortunate incidents, everything turns out well at the end: Felicia is doing great, the flight was warm enough that I don't need coat, I got cute new shoes. And I woke up after two hours of sleep on a very cozy bed with warm and soft blanket and took shower in a gold plated bathroom.

Just this morning, I had breakfast of smoked salmon (first time in a year -- didn't have it during pregnancy) and honey. not just regular honey. but honey from honeywax. a real honeywax made by live bee imported from Holland. When you bite into it, the thick, sweet honey melts in your mouth, bringing with it an incredibly pure, almost sensual taste and a promise of a better day...

I met my first customer, we had a chat and lunch that's so big I'm still not hungry now, almost 11 hours later. We did our job and so far so good.

So it can't be that bad rite? though I do have to return again in couple of days since my samples has not passed the custom since now (thursday) is half day work here and friday is their Sunday, so they have a day off.

But in over all, I guess what I'm trying to say is...

It's not bad at all to have a dream.

Your dream may not immediately come true. You may have to wait longer than necessary. You even might forget about it. Or worse, the reality of your dream may bring disappointments.

Or as often in my case, you may loss the passion of the dream along your journey to achieve it as it becomes more as an obligation than an option.

But I believe in having a dream. I believe in trying to achieve it.

For to dream is to hope. And having hope is like water in a dry desert during difficult times; it keeps you going when the going gets rough and tough. In other words, having hope helps you get your courage in facing the cold bitter reality.

Of course, you can always choose not to dream.

But life won't be half as exciting without one, wouldn't it?