Being A Mommy so far....

Hm, I have to say that I haven't done much of the Mommy duties ever since I go back to work last November, except for the occasional days when Felicia's nanny (Nanny Nafi) was home for her once every two months holidays.

She has been sleeping in her own room with her nanny since she was two weeks young (starting from when I had to get into hospital again from dengue fever), and I have long stopped using the baby monitor.

The nanny makes the formula, feed her, bathe her, and so forth.

I usually woke up around 6am, get ready, play with Felicia for 10-15 minutes and go to work. When I got home, She's already asleep, or about to. In any case, whenever she's awake, we tried to play with her until she got tired and sleepy and cranky. In which case she usually wanted to be hold by her nanny :(

But I'm grateful that her nanny is very patient and seems to be very fond of Felicia. and Felicia too; She's gaining weight, and so far she never even has so much as a mosquito bite. Whenever she's sleepy, her eyes are always looking for her nanny.

Funny thing, I never felt like it's a bad thing. I mean, I tried for 1.5 months staying at home and be a full time mom. Which is most difficult, because with a full time nanny and two full time household staffs and Ming's nanny still working for us (She cared for Ming since he was 3 months young) to cook and to take care of monthly payments, I had very little thing to do but watching my baby slept.

Watching over babies and toddlers 24/7 could be the most difficult thing in the world to do. And I really think that if you can do it without Nanny or any help at all, like Imoet, then you are really one awesome Mom.

So there, with OR without full time nanny, it's not easy being a mom.

I guess I'm still trying to find a balance.

I know how stressful it can be to have very little contact with outside world other than your baby, and honestly, I don't want that: I turned into this angry woman with little patience left for my husband and that's not the best thing for your relationship. Plus, I found myself wishing Felicia would do nothing but sleep so I can sleep too, and that's not good either.

I know my cousin is caring for her own baby and though she also has full time nanny, she is more involved with her baby then I do (she's taking 6 months maternity leave compare to my 1.5 months!). And I still wish I have more time to spend with my baby.

But so far, actually I'm happy with the way things are...during whatever short time we have for Felicia, we are giving her the best quality of time and attention. I personally think that it's better this than me staying 24/7 beside her with a tired and sleepy condition...or am I just justifying my absence here? ahhahaha

Anyways, these are the things we love to do with her (and she loves to do with us) :

• Playing with Hello Kitty

• Playing with Tigger

• Giving her massage (She loves getting massage...whenever someone said "Pijet pijet" and hold her hand, she would straightened her legs and stay still. She'd cooed and really seems to relax and enjoys the massage)

• Watching Play House Disney

• Watching the fishes in our pond

• Piling her long pillows on top of her so she can throw them away (but it's a bit tricky, if she's in a bad mood, she'd screamed her lungs out instead)

• Playing Peek a Boo (sometimes she got it, sometimes not. She'd turn her back against me and I'd say "ciluk ciluk..." and then she'd turn around and look at me and I'd say "Baaa.." and tickle her, and she'd smile and turn her back against me again and again and again...)

Most interesting things I've learned so far:

• Felicia doesn't like to wake up alone. She'd cry if she thinks she's alone. Sometimes at night, her nanny slept in a mattress and Felicia couldn't see her, and she'd start to cry. Until her nanny woke up and she saw her and immediately stop crying.

• Felicia loves her own room. I took her yesterday to my room. When she's awake and saw the unfamiliar surrounding, she started crying. Not screaming. But crying. So I took her back to her room, not understanding at first and thought that she's hungry, but once she realizes she is in her own room (looking around, watching the familiar stickers on her window, seeing the mobile on top of her crib), she stops crying and is all smiles.

• She could be very impatient waiting for her food. Since two and half months, we start giving her banana and papaya. She knew when the feeding come everytime she saw her nanny holding the small plate and carrying the fruit (once, she stop crying when I show her the banana). Then she starts munching. And within minutes after, if her nanny has not start giving her the food, she will start screaming.

• She loves "gendongan". She'd stop fussing around whenever she saw her nanny bringing the red selendang and said "dong dong"

I know I might miss few here and there...but so far, those are the most memorable thing I've learned about Felicia, and about myself...