My Husband & The Princess of Japan

My sister, Vini, mentioned it a while ago.  

I didn't take it seriously until yesterday when I saw this picture

The young girl is Aiko, Princess Toshi, the only child of Their Imperial Highnesses Crown Prince Naruhito and Crown Princess Masako, heir apparent to the Japanese throne

Look at her closely

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This, is the picture of my husband, Lawrence aka Mink aka Steiner, when he was about the same age of Princess Aiko

....................................  is it just me and my sister, or they both have eerie resemblance?

This is a long one

If Familiarity does breed contempt, how should one deals with one's family?

Recently I've been in a feud with my parents. It's over nothing important, it's more about some unresolved past issued mixed together with stress, sprinkled with undetected PMS, added with overly sensitive individuals, tossed with a bit of fairly insensitive and straightforward person, and boiled together with pride and stubborness on each sides, and you got this: two weeks of silence between my parents and us (me and my husband).

The first week I breezed through it: work had been quite hectic lately and so I hadn't realized a week had came and come. I feel guilty about feeling better actually. My mom dropped by my house twice a day to see Felicia, and called me at least once a day, more often 3 - 4 phone calls every day, and for some cruel coincidence, the calls usually arrived with very bad timing: the busiest hour/ the most hectic day, and so forth. Sometimes at 9:30 at night.

So, it's actually nice: I can concentrate at work, I can go home to my family and feel like it's really mine. While mom is trying to be helpful, more often, I felt...choked. Nothing is right, nothing is good enough. Almost every night she would call me to ask if Felicia is already asleep (if she didn't just drop by for the third time of the day), and if she's not, then why didn't I play with her, why didn't I spend more time with her.

If Ming and I happened to bring Felicia out, more often than not she would call us to ask where I'm taking her, to remind me that I shouldn't bring her out too late at night, to ask if the nanny came with us or not and why not and I should bring the nanny.

If Ming and I happened to be out and NOT bringing Felicia with us, she would call and asked why not. then she'd scolded me for not informing her that I plan to go out with my husband without bringing felicia because had she known she would stop by my house. then she'd stop by my house to accompany felicia, which depending on my mood that day, I'd feel either grateful or annoyed coz she made me feel like I'm a shitty mom.

She would call to tell me about what Felicia did or the funny things she said, which I'm grateful for.

Every afternoon she would call and let Felicia talked to us while we're driving home. Which is fine, except she's doing it over her cellphone, one thing that Ming has objections and we have repeatedly told her not to and to use the landline instead and instead of doing as we wished about our daughter, she'd just brushed it off saying it's only for a minute.

She'd call me to tell me where I did wrong: the way the nanny does things, the way the maids does things.

When I went out with friends of mine without Ming and Felicia, for which Ming really has no objections, she'd call if I hadn't arrived home past 8 pm, and she'd call every 10 minutes to make sure I'm on my way home. She didn't do this often, that's because I'm only going out with my friends solo at most five times per ... year

She'd do this every day.

She'd take up my husband's car space so one time when he's suddenly home during the day he couldn't park his car. When I gently advised her to always park her car a little to the left (because the space is enough for two cars but she parked using both space), instead of just do that, she became defensive and said how was she to know that my husband would come home early that day? (please tell me how can I explain nicely to my mother that my husband has every right to go home to our house whenever he wishes to, and understandably expects a car park be available)

Oh, and on more than one occasions she'd hit and broke the steps on our front porch

She'd been on my husband's nerves for the past three of our four years marriage. At one time, Ming even intended to tell her directly that she's meddling too much in our life. I tried to reason him though privately I agreed with him, and only by the Grace of God Ming changed his mind on the last minute.

I have two sisters, both are not here: one lives in Singapore, the other in Japan.

I understand that this post may upset them because I'm telling the world (or really just a handful of those of you who read this) about my mom's shortcomings. All I can tell them is, unless you went through what I've been through, unless you've dealt with our beloved mom every day for four years...please don't judge me or my husband.

The thing is, after the one blissful week of time off with my parents, the past week I've been having dreams about how I'd meet mom and we finally made peace with each other. I reasoned that I just feel guilty, but I also admit that it would be kinda nice not having this cold war with her and dad.

Then a couple of days ago, the father of a colleague of mine suddenly passed away. He received a phone call at 3pm that his dad fell, and he left work, then an hour after we received a phone call notifying us that his dad passed away.

It made me think about my parents.

Sure I'd like to go back to talking to both my parents. This quiet second week doesn't feel so peaceful anymore. But then I started to think about how if I did make peace with them, then surely the phone calls and 2-3 times daily visits will return and peace doesn't equal to peaceful as well.

How to tell my mom to back off from my life? to let loose of her iron grips from my family? to let me live my life, and yes, made my own mistakes.

I tried to tell my dad and asked him to communicate it with my mom, with no results: my dad hesitated even more to come by my house (my dad is the complete opposite of mom and never interfere and I'm actually the one who called him asking how he is), and my mom is still doing what she's always doing. Except now when she's avoiding me.

Anyways, I recently learn from my sister that actually it was to my husband that my mom was upset, and even wanted him to apologize. I had wanted to laugh crying or cry laughing when I heard that. After everything that my husband silently went through and let her make him feel uncomfortable in his own home, I don't think my husband should apologize and I don't want to make my husband apologize for the sake of her peace of mind when she didn't care one bit about his and I hate to be in the middle between my mom and my husband.

I love my mom and my dad. I know they have given everything to me and my sisters. Spend almost their entire savings so we can go to university overseas. I feel grateful. I really do. They have been a loving parents and grandparents for my daughter. My mom is a great wife, and loving but very strict mom for us and she had been wonderful when I was growing up and lived with them.

But at the same time, the older I get, I felt ... I felt that it is also true that nothing is free, and although they never asked anything in return, I still feel that the payment I'm making in other non-monetary things are getting too much for me.

I'm up to my neck and I just need to ... breathe...

I need to vent and I did just that here. Thank God for this blog.

If you have nothing nice to say about my mom or my husband, please don't say anything at all. I still love her and I do love him, I don't want anyone to badmouth either of them.

Phiew.

Told you it's a long one.

Ps: Felicia, later on when I'm too meddling in your life. Please tell me to sit down and break it to me gently. Remind me of this post.

Woo Hoo!

Tonight Ming and I crossed the Madura Straight on Suramadu Bridge and we drove to Bangkalan

Why?

Because we can.

Suramadu Bridge is the longest Bridge in Indonesia so far, connecting Surabaya, the second largest city in Indonesia with population of more than 3 millions on the island of Java and the island of Madura. Before the bridge was built, the only way to go there was by crossing the straight on ferry, like when you cross to Bali.

The bridge is as a big of a deal as the San Fransisco bridge for the Indonesians....in other words, it's only a bridge, but if you go to San Fransisco and didn't go to see the bridge, than something felt missing, you know what I mean?

I've never been to Madura and I've been wanting to go since the bridge was completed last year, but Ming had always refused to go because A) We didn't know how to go there, B) We simply didn't have any time / we have other (admittedly better) things to do, and C) again, Why?

But today he went in the morning with his friend who owns business in Madura and has to commute back and forth every day from Surabaya to Madura. His friend showed him around and he tried one of the food stalls there, Warung Bebek Sinjay, which sold VERY delicious fried duck, and he went home bringing Madura Rice for me ( I preferred that compare to fried duck, but then Ming said it's so delicious and he's not easily impressed with food so I want to try the fried duck now)

Then tonight when we went home after some errands, suddenly he asked me, want to go to Madura? It was 9 pm and I left home in the middle of writing an email assuming it's going to be a short trip, and I was thinking I'd prefer staying at home, but then....I HAD been nagging Ming to go since forever, and a little spontaneous trip to anywhere but the malls is always a welcome distraction.

So only fifteen minutes later we're already on the bridge, which is surprisingly close to my house. I know it's close, but I've never imagine it's THAT close. Anyway, there's barely any traffic and aside from few stalls right after the bridge ends, there's nothing to see all the way to Bangkalan.

Literally, there's no street lights, no buildings at all. Only darkness and some other occasional vehicles. Then we entered Bangkalan, which is like a much much quieter Pasuruan. Ming showed me where he had his lunch and where he bought the Madura Rice

The air was clear since it had been raining in the afternoon, the weather was slightly cooler than in Surabaya at 27.5C, the sky was dark, but not dark enough that you can see the stars. At 9:30pm, the town is already sleeping, and I can't believe it's only half an hour away from my home! It would take me the same time to go to my in laws' house, and even longer to our workplace, and yet it feels SO far away ...

It totally has different vibe. Different dynamic. Different world. It feels farther than Trawas or Tretes, mountain side resort towns a couple of hours away from Surabaya

Anyway, by 10pm, exactly one hour later, we're back in Surabaya, the radio playing Canon in D by Pachelbel, one of my favorites, the song we used on our wedding day... what a perfect way to end the day!

Updates...for real

I ended up writing review instead of giving updates on my earlier post....

Oh well, what is there to say...

An overblown disagreement with mom means that she refused to call me the past couple of days.  The good thing about this is, it sorts of give me a breather from the daily 2 - 3 calls she made.  My concentration at work is not disrupted by a "very important" phone calls that 8 out 10 turns out to be SO not important but I keep taking because of that 2 out of 10 incident.

The bad news is, well, eventually, within a day or two, or perhaps a week, I will eventually have to play the dutiful daughter and make peace with her.  It gets tiring because we never discuss it or reach solutions for it, rather we just shelve it hoping out of sight meaning out of mind.  

I suppose I just should enjoy the peaceful days I have right now.

Second, my cold is getting better, but not yet fully recovered

Then, earlier this week, something about my work makes me love it again, and I got totally excited about coming to work: I woke up 6 am today can couldn't go back to sleep thinking about work, so I turn on the computer and start early from home.  Then as soon as it came, it's also gone: At the moment I felt quite helpless, there's just too much never ending problems, it's like being an editor of weekly magazine, not only do I have to solve last minute problems of this week shipment, but also plans for the next one...when will it ever endddddd?????

Next month Felicia will start her school at new school.  I'm a bit nervous because I don't know how she would react to it.  The first weeks will be tough with separation anxiety and all of that, hey, she's not yet 3 years old.  

Ming is also doing great.  We have comfortable routine, and manage to have our own, separate time at home, which is very important when you work at the same place with your husband and meet him 24/7.  

and that's about it folks!

 

Updates...

Last Wednesday I went to my regular check up.  Knowing that it would usually involved a couple of hours waiting, I stopped by local grocery store that also carries some novel.  I spotted this book:

I had seen the book last year, but always put up buying it because well, I was usually looking for a light reading and at 500+ pages, it just seemed too much.  But this time, it's different. I was looking for a book that would occupy me for couple of hours waiting and this one seemed just right; I figured it would last long enough until the end of the week at least, instead of buying the harlequin-esh book that I could finish immediately.  So I picked it up without expecting anything.

And I love it.  It was not quite what I had expected; as a matter of fact, by the middle of the book, I no longer know what to expect, and that is a nice change.  This is not a typical book in which the readers are this omnipresence being who was conditioned to be amused by the problems the heroine faces and knew exactly what they should have done or said and with whom they would end up before reading half the book.  

These characters, and three of them are very different, have background stories that would make you feel for them, although not necessarily agree with them.  On the surface, they are normal woman with everyday problems.  They do not suddenly experience enlightenment, there is not one major traumatic event that would make them repent their sins and changed their way.  
They do change, but I believe it's because of the experience and situation that shaped them that way, it happened so subtly and over time, and there's also no easy and miraculous fix for them, and all of these made these characters ever so real and believable.

Reading romance books, you usually would know from the start who's the heroine and who's the villain.  But these three women are just regular women who had made bad choices in their life and what's good about it, I don't think any of them as villains: they are just regular people making difficult decisions in a shitty situations that are not always right and must deal with the consequences.

One woman gets to live the happily ever after version, another one was given a glint of hope and sign that perhaps all is not lost, while the last one...I hope it means that she truly, sincerely learned the lessons and wished she will be given a chance in the next book...

In the end, I don't hate any of them, and root for all of them to be stronger, and hope they will eventually lead a happy and satisfying life.  And that alone should say a lot about the book.

Happy with the first Marian Keyes' work I ever read, I picked up the second one last Sunday: 

I'm more than half way through it, and noticed two similar things with the first book: I'm rooting for all three characters (two of them hates each other), and have no idea how the story will turn. 

It can only mean one thing: I will get the third book by the author. For sure.

Blah

I'm having slight cold today.  Still going to work, but always feel slightly tipsy and light-headed from the medicine I took.  And my face felt puffy as well ...

On the good side, last night I slept from 9pm until 6:30 am this morning.  I woke up once and was happy to know it was still 1 am and that means I still had hours to go before I had to wake up.  I normally sleep around midnight, so last night it felt like I got to sleep twice hahahaha...

OH well, there's always silver lining in everything.