The Pursuit of Happiness ... A Contemplation

Tonight i have absolutely nothing to do. Ming is busy with his game and Felicia is sleeping, and HBO is playing Colin Farrel's worst movie, Miami Vice, in which he looks more like a pimp than the heartthrob he's supposed to be.

Anyway, since having nothing to do, my mind starts to wonder and I guess reading Sheila's blogs, made me starts thinking about relationships and life...

For once, I can't help but thinking, why is it that parents do things that are hurtful for their children in the name of happiness or what's best for them or the greater good?

Being a parent myself, am I bound to do that to my daughter?

Is it something that can't be help? like sneezing?

Why do parents presume to know more than their children? Why is it that parents tend to discount their children's sense of being?

Felicia, only 5 months now, is a completely different and independent entity. Meaning that she has feeling of her own, she has her own sets of character. One day, she will become a grown woman, who can think for herself and whose values and judgment I have to respect and recognized.

As a parent, all I want is for her to be happy. I want her to grow up to be a strong, independent, smart, God-fearing (something I've failed more than often...sadly...), and beautiful inside out woman. and I suppose that's my task as a mum, bringing her up like that.

But then, I realize that there will be one time when her definition of happiness will not be the same as mine.

She may not want to work for the company, she may not want to be a doctor (basically, that's about the other future I want for her if she doesn't like the family's business) ... and, she may want to marry someone I don't like.

I've always told Sheila that I will not come between my daughter and her love. My mum always let us, her daughters, decide our own future, whom we should marry. She has no objections as to my sister's wedding with a japanese man. and though my dad is a bit more conservative, in the end, he always leave it up to us. If my younger sister found a nice man with a good job, good future and good family background, I'm sure they don't mind, even if he's a bule (though my dad would not be too excited about it...)

But, what if one day my daughter came home bringing a man she loves: a handsome, sweet, nice guy, a gentleman with good family and a good and steady job and even very smart that he can be a valuable addition to the company, with only one thing: he's a pribumi? (I even took a split second time out knocking my laptop three times as I typed it).

Will I be as warm and welcoming? or will I start saying, :"Jangan mau kalo pergi sama [orang pribumi] ya. Mama kan udah bilang, Mama nggak suka lho kalo kamu dapat [orang pribumi]. Kulturnya beda. Semuanya beda. Nggak cocok. Kamu harus nurut kalo Mama bilang. Jangan pacaran-pacaran sama orang luar nggak jelas semua."

Will I refuse to even consider the possibility that he is actually a good guy and that they both suit each other? Will I think that my daughter is just in "a bad and unsuitable environment" and ask her to stop hanging out with her friends? or will I start seeing the whole thing as my failure as her mum??

I've always thought that I would never come between my daughter and her happiness. That I would have the least inclination of breaking someone's neck if he breaks my daughter's heart.

But what if, the one that's making my daughter cried is me?

Will my heart be big enough to let her pursue her own happiness?

I realize now that sometimes, we're asking our parents too much. I start to understand my mom's fuss on my younger sister; still single and at university. Will she get a good job? Will she get a good husband? I start to see that sometimes our response, "Mum, trust us. We know what we're doing", is barely enough to lessen our mum's worries.

I know now that my mom wants the best for us; I mean, i know that before, but just starts to truly realize it after I become a mum myself.

And around the same time with that, I realize what's wrong with my mum that annoys me so much. She can never stop worrying. Just like I can never stop worrying about my Felicia.

hhh...if only this job comes with a clear job description and a hand book, like "Dummy's Guide on Being A Mom: How to React When Your Kid Falls In Love With Someone You Hate?" or "How to Make Your Daughter Do What You Want and Love You Still?"

Anyways...tired typing now..better be off to bed....