After having a fit of Insomniac life in the past couple of weeks for no apparent reason, exhausted from the 10 hours long days at work dealing with the pressure of the busiest season of the year, still dazed yet fascinated by the growth spurt of my eleven months daughter which I cannot seem to keep up with, I was vegging alone in the living room (hubby is away for a week long business trip to Hong Kong), reaching out for the remote control to see what was on HBO for the last time before I really should try and get some sleep; after all, how long can you survive with only four hours of sleep every night?
Varsity Blues was scheduled next.
The title seems awfully familiar. It’s like a small, unimportant piece of memory from years back tried to burst through. Then I saw the actors’ name, and suddenly realized that I’ve seen this movie. Or at least try to, once, a long time ago. Now a bundle of unresolved issues from time past and not-so-forgotten flooding back my mind.
Before Orlando Blooms walked the Middle Earth and enchanted us with his elfish beauty, before the geeky yet such a cutie Tobey Maguire made us wish our boyfriends were bitten by radiation-infected spider and took us across the Manhattan’s skyscraper, there was, Dawson. Yes, I am talking about the one and only, James Van Der Beek.
For the twenty-something-not-yet-thirty gals out there, surely you remember Dawson and his creek. This was before Katie Holmes becomes Mrs. Cruise, Mother of Suri. This was a time when you’re struggling to stay awake at that Anthropology class, that horrible physics teacher who may or may not be gay, and your biggest worry is your pimple(s) and what are you wearing for that yet another Sweet Seventeen Birthday parties.
Although I have never been a fan of Dawson's Creek, and indeed have never watched even one episode from beginning to end, I am fully aware that the series have become almost a cult-like among my class, just like Beverly Hills 90210 was before.
The year was 1998, a decade ago that seems just like yesterday.
The story goes that a pretty and talented Joey who I suspected deep inside is not yet comfortable in her own skin, was best friend to Dawson, who considers her more as one of the guys than a girl. However, as the new girl, played by Michelle Williams, intrude their friendship, not only do they face the peer pressures in high school, struggle to find their identities, they are also forced to deal with the issues of their increasingly mature sexuality.
I can tell you that whether these took place in Dawson's Creek or Petra 2 Senior High School in Surabaya, every teens can relate to that issues. God knows I certainly have my share of Cain and Delia.
At the height of his fame from Dawson's Creek, James Van Der Beek played in a movie called Varsity Blues (1999). I rented the VCD hoping for an easy and forgetful comedy (Yes, it was still VCD then). Halfway through, in the middle of a scene where a girl put on a whip-cream bikini and nothing else, I realized this is not what I was expecting, turned off the TV, and forgot about it for ten years. By the way, that girl turned out to be Ali Larter, one of theleading character in "Heroes" TV Series.
But now, as I watched this movie, I began to see it in a completely different way. First of all, it was a football movie, and I have to admit, not as enjoyable as Remember the Titans as football movie. But there's something deeper than that.
On top of being a football movie, it was about a teenager, Moxon, played by James Van Der Beek, who must deal with living in a shadow of an undeserving character, Lance Harper, played by Paul Walker (who would turn out in Fast and Furious 1 & 2), just because his coach prefers it that way. Moxon's life is clearly far from perfect when his coach choose to ignore his obvious talent and wit, and his father puts high expectancy on him based on what his father thinks it's best for him and on what was his father's dream and not his. Let me tell you, I know a story of people who deals with such parents one too many. Myself included.
Then one day, after an unfortunate incident (for Lance), Moxon found himself in the middle of spotlight, became the most popular guy in his town, and seduced by the prettiest girl in his class. Despite his grounded background, good nature and a steady girlfriend, Moxon found himself irresistably drawn to fame and to the arms of another girl.
It was then that Moxon has to decide whether he should go the easy way and do what is expected of him and what other people told him to do, or whether he should go the hard way, choose his own path and listen to his heart, or in short, as Moxon puts it, be the hero. Because, let's face it, it's easier to be a rebel when everyone worship someone else than be yourself (though differ from what other people expects of you) when everyone's eyes are on you and half of them waiting for you to lose your luck and fail.
That was just the surface. There's the story about the coach who has difficulties in letting go his glorious past and accepting defeat by stubbornly refusing to listen to others' input, blaming everyone else for everything that went wrong, pursuing what he wants at all costs including sacrificing his student's life, and instilling fear as a way to maintain control. God I know a person just like that.
There's also the story of Darcy Sears, the prettiest girl in town who's also smart, yet is so used to being the pretty one that she thinks the only way to get out of the lil town of West Canaan is by using her body instead of her brain. Although I completely confident about my brain (and my body), I can certainly relate to the feeling of being so trap that you'd feel you'll do just about everything to get away from it.
And of course, the story of their teacher Miss Davis, Biology teacher during the day, stripper at night. Of Moxon's idealist girlfriend, who is trying so hard to stay true to herself that it became surprising that when the end credit rolls, I've realized that nothing is revealed of her, it's as if she's not a real person. Making you think that perhaps not one real person can remain idealist their whole life. What's more, I got a funny feeling that while she's perfect for Moxon when he's down, she is probably the last person who's happy for him when things turn out for the better for Moxon, and you can't help but wonder if Moxon should just stay away from her.
And suddenly, I was thinking about the girl who I was ten years ago. Given, nothing much have changed. I’m still fashion-challenged, wearing the least and almost non-existent make up daily, and yes, still overweight. Although, as a credit to myself, I have to mention that at some time, around 5 years ago, I did finally reach my ideal weight after a nasty breakup. But as I found happiness afterwards, it seems that the pounds found me.
Yet at the same time, I've grown a lot, become more comfortable about my own feminity. In ten years I've faced the saddest moments, devastating and disappointing times, fell in love few times, fell out of love, lose a best friend, gained other friends, making an oath before God, and living the most defining moments, the happier times of my life.
Now, I'm no longer the seventeen years-old who worried about getting a job and a boyfriend. Yet at the same time, I'm also fully aware that I'm in another crossroads in my life as I have to come terms and find balance in my role as a wife, mother, daughter, sister, and in laws. All this while maintaining true to myself and not what other people expects of me. All the while must answer and know who "I and ME" is, and isn't, at all times and try not to get lost along the way. All the time must do it under the microscope of 1800 people working for the company looking at me everyday and business associates far more experienced than I am who won't hesitate testing me at every possible chance.
I can't help smiling remembering the time when I couldn't wait to finish highschool and finally have this ideal picture-perfect life I've always imagined and did not have to think about the beauty queens-type, clueless girls that surrounded me in highschool. There were times when I thought, after highchool, I will have more control over my life, lead it exactly the way I want it, with a big apartment in the city, a fancy car and a prince charming, flying around the world for business. There were times when I just couldn't wait to start my life.
Well, ten years have past since then. I did get the big house, the car, the prince, and the business trips. My life has not always been picture-perfect though still beautiful, and it amazes me that I still have to deal with the beauty queen.
At 11:30 pm last night, the movie Varsity Blues ends the way it should be, Moxon and his friends become their own heroes.
As for me, I may not be a "hero" by Moxon's definition yet, although I certainly hope that I go the right way in every opportunity that presents itself.
Varsity Blues is certainly a hidden gem for me. It was a surprisingly nice, a refreshingly good movie about a simple life of an ordinary person at complicated phase in his life. A movie that would be both relevant and inspiring for me while I was in highschool and ten years afterwards as a grown woman, wife, and mother of one.
Even when for some people, it remains just another football movie.
