I'm not talking about Lady Gaga's song. I'm talking about the literal definition of Poker Face, which according to Wikipedia, is a poker term for a blank expression that does not reveal anything.
Why I mentioned it? Because in the past weekend, I learn something about my daughter that I simply have to write down due to its level of awesomeness. Yes, I know my daughter is awesome almost all the time, but in this matter, she simply outdone herself.
I have to mention that I am a type of person who wears my emotion on my sleeve. I tried to appear cool and unaffected especially in time of crisis or under pressure, but most of the time, people at work will know. To save time and jobs of those working around me (kidding, I think), I always make a point to inform them not to f*ck with me during these times and they got the message and steer clear from me, or at least go the extra mile to make sure they don't incure my wrath. Ah, the things I can get away simply by being the daughter in law of the owner, the wife of the junior boss.
But that's enough about me. You got the point. We're talking about my daughter now.
Felicia has grown a lot these days, and it's not only physically (she's 94.5 cm now), but also intellectually and mentally. It is amazing to see with our own eyes how her personality takes shape daily. I saw a bit of myself, my mother, my grandmother, and most of my husband's genetic influence in her, and it always makes me smile, though not in front of her.
Seriously, she doesn't want me to smile, and she would say so. "Mom, don't smile like this (she'd smile to show me what she meant), be like this (she'd show her straight, unsmiling face)".
Anyway, that's another story.
Like any other toddler, she learns by trial and error of the rules we set in our house. She learns that screaming would not get her anything, and would always tried (after screaming) to say what she wants nicely. She learns to say thank you and please (though this is still work in progress).
However, she is still a toddler, and easily frustrated if she didn't get what she wants.
Which was exactly what happened last Saturday night.
A little bit of background story. Earlier that day, I suspected that Felicia would get sick soon. You can tell sometimes by her sneezing a couple of times, a little bit of cough here and there. There wasn't any real indication yet, no runny nose or anything like that. I wasn't sure if I should give her any medication yet at first, but later on in the evening when she starts having that nasal voice you'd have when you got flu, I immediately bought her medicine, wrapped her with long sleeves pajamas and socks and rubbed her chest with Vicks to keep her warm, and asked her nanny to put her to bed.
Understandably under that condition, she became extra cranky. Then, an hour later, I heard her screaming on top of her lungs. I went to her room and her nanny told me that she wanted to have a cup of jell-o.
Felicia LOVES jell-o and we always had one hidden in the refrigerator (If she saw one, she'd want one ALL THE TIME, so we always hid it). But it's cold and I don't want to give it to her when she's sick. The nanny had told her no, but she won't take no for an answer.
So as always, I told her that I don't understand her if she keeps screaming. She calmed herself and told me in a calm but very strained tone that she would like to have jell-o. I told her that she's sick and I could not give her that.
She screamed again. So I told her that if she would like to have jell-o, I will throw away her pacifier. Let me tell you something, Felicia LOVES her pacifier. On different occasion a week before, I came up with what I would say a true inspiration when I simply threatened her that I would cut her pacifier if she refused to drink her milk, and it worked like a charm. I have to admit I had used that threat few more times since, and it always works. At least until that night.
Anyway, the conversation went like this (in Indonesian),
Mom: Felicia, mommy would throw away your pacifier if you kept asking for Jell-O
Felicia (heavy breathing, shaky voice from screaming only seconds before): Okay.
(Mom and her nanny exchanged surprised look)
Mom: I WILL throw it away ( I showed her the pacifier and placed it on top of the trash bin)
Felicia: Fine
Mom (trying.so.hard.not.to.smile) : Felicia, if you want your jell-o, mommy will cut your pacifier
Felicia (calm, composed, and gave a blank look passed my shoulder) : Fine
Mom (Taking a scissor and held it on top of the pacifier) : You will have the jell-o, but mommy WILL really cut your pacifier (started to doubt myself)
Felicia (looking serene) : Yes
What can I do? I bluffed, she called it. Ladies and gents, my reputation is at stake here. If I backed down now, she will never heed my words, and my authority would be a joke. I know I can't use the pacifier as a weapon all the time, but I'll use whatever ammunition available at the moment.
So with a last glance at her nanny, I cut it.
Two seconds of silence passed. Then, she looked at me straight in the eye and said with a calm voice that defied her age,
Felicia: Can I have my jell-o now?
I straightened myself and we both stared at each other.
Mom : You may.
If that is not an unprecedented level of awesomeness never heard before, at least in the chronicle of this person's mommyhood, I don't know what is.
In the end, who won? Neither of us.
I thought I had my (however small) slice of victory when I submerged her pack of jell-o in a hot water to make it lukewarm instead of cold one which she preferred, but any illusion of having the last word disappeared the next morning when I learned that an hour after the stand off, Felicia in her room, out of my earshot, cried for her (other) pacifier and her nanny gave in. Bah.
But I can hardly call that event a waste.
That night, we both learned something from each other. I learned not to spew empty threats that most moms here did to exert their authority and control their children and can get away with it (You know what I mean, the ones your mom told you when you're a kid). I learned that I have to prepare to actually carry my threats and ate my words if I challenge her, or be challenged in return. I learned that my daughter would grow up to be a formidable opponent and I have, give or take, ten to twelve years to prepare for it.
Yes, I used the word "I" instead of "we", seeing that thus far, Felicia's dad had not yet proven that he had the heart to be the disciplinarian authority figure in the house. Felicia literally PAT his head last time they went swimming together. I think we, Felicia included, know between the two of them who's the boss. I'm not going to say anything more on that. But he still has time.
What did Felicia learn?
She learned that the next time I said I will cut her pacifier, I will do exactly that. Which I used it again as a threat the next day and she somberly backed down.
So, the total tally of the evening:
- One Pacifier: Rp. 12,000
- One bottle of kid's cough medicine: Rp. 21,000
- One pack of Jell-o: Rp.6,000
- Witnessing my two and half year old (in two weeks) first poker face: Priceless
And with that, I bid you all good day.
